she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
