so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
