I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
