making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
