I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
