You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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