I hate your face
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
