i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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