Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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