I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
