U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
