I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
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