the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
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