Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
