This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
