Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
