Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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