OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
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I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
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I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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