Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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