her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
