2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i drank out of a bidet.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
