I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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