Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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