haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
