i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
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