Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
