Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
