Will you blow on my dice?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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