I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
