Fine. I'll sleep in my office
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize