Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
