Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
