Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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