i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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