He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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