if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
What drink are we having for lunch?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
