good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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