Don't make out with my wife yet
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
