We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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