That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
