benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
