Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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