nut hugger
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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