I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
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