The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
