Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We are all done wearing pants today
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
