And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize