I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
