So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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