hell yes lets make some ravioli
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
