Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
