so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
