he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
