fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
