I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
