Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
