I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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