DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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