just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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