everyone is single if you try hard enough
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
