I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
