Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The air was thick with penises
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
