I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
