I'm drive I can fine osifer
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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