there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Randomize
