he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
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