You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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