My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
