Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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